This is real. This is me.
Holding out for a hero
I wish I could stop lingering in the past. I wish feelings would go away.
This is ridiculous.
I need to get a grip!
June 2013
We accept the love we think we deserve.
Been thinking of a new tattoo for awhile. I think I found my next tattoo. Win.
May 2013
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.
Word.
The Truth
It sucks knowing what you can’t have. I wish feelings could just go away.
“Sometimes it feels like someone else is wearing my body.”
—“Conversations About Home”
-Warsan Shire (via brokenchi)
-Warsan Shire (via brokenchi)
“You’re going to go through life thinking that girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. But I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that that won’t be true. It’ll be because you’re an asshole.”
—The Social Network (via samaralex)
“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”
—former Czechoslovakian president Vaclav Havel (via theangrytherapist)
April 2013
my hobbies include having coffee and mental breakdowns
“My mum used to say, ‘you can’t have fun all the time’, and I used to say, ‘why not’? Why the fuck can’t I have fun all the time?”
—Kate Moss (via tat-art)
Our Friday Night.
as we are about to watch Star Trek..
Me: want a pillow? (throws a pillow from my bed)
Dar: Oh yay a body pillow!!
Me: uh…that’s a regular size pillow.
“Asleep you don’t feel pain or hunger, or loneliness, or bitterness. In sleep you can drown in false euphoria, and when you awaken, you just don’t care about anything.”
—V.C. Andrews (via erikaftw)
March 2013
“Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them into nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.”
—Fred Rogers (via creatingaquietmind)
“People let you down and I’ve accepted that fact, but knowing that makes it impossible to be happy…but at least it’s fucking real.”
—Celeste and Jesse Forever
Bitterness
PMS+cold weather+stressful job+nagging parents+douchlord men= one pile of bitterness.
And it piles on and on.
From a job that works you to the bone, with people telling you consistently what to do, to cleaning up other peoples mess, to being under appreciated, to hard work going unnoticed, then hearing it from your parents about your future, to go through every day at work not knowing myself, to guys dumping you and treating you like shit, to getting home and taking orders once again, to hoping of getting at least five hours of sleep at night, and waking up the next morning hoping putting an extra teaspoon of coffee in the filter will make the day easier to get through.
I try to get through days knowing that there is something i’ll look forward to. But as days pass, I don’t see a thing. I only become closer to the day I finally have to decide on something. And at this point all I see is a dead end road.
“There’s no one to call cause I’m just playing games with them all
The more I swear I’m happy, the more that I’m feeling alone
Cause I spent every hour just going through the motions
I can’t even get the emotions to come out
Dry as a bone, but I just wanna shout” —“What Now” Rihanna
The more I swear I’m happy, the more that I’m feeling alone
Cause I spent every hour just going through the motions
I can’t even get the emotions to come out
Dry as a bone, but I just wanna shout” —“What Now” Rihanna
“Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.”
—The Winter of the Air (via freecocaine)
“I want to tell you about your heart— you’ve probably been neglecting your heart—and you don’t know.”
—F. Scott Fitzgerald (via heavymittedlove)
“Live the life you wish to, date the man you wish to date, and stop looking to your family for affirmation for the choices that you make. Life is full of risks. You can’t live your life in fear of how people will judge you for following your dreams.”
—David Sullivan (via kari-shma)
“They told me that to make her fall in love, I had to make her laugh. But everytime she laughs, I’m the one who falls in love.”
—Tommaso Ferraris (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)
“There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself.”
—Tiffany, Silver Linings Playbook. (via sungkist)
“The (500) Days of Summer attitude of “He wants you so bad” seems attractive to some women and men, especially younger ones, but I would encourage anyone who has a crush on my character to watch it again and examine how selfish he is. He develops a mildly delusional obsession over a girl onto whom he projects all these fantasies. He thinks she’ll give his life meaning because he doesn’t care about much else going on in his life. A lot of boys and girls think their lives will have meaning if they find a partner who wants nothing else in life but them. That’s not healthy. That’s falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person.”
—Joseph Gordon-Levitt (via theflowershop)
Texas
Aida’s previous entry about Austin sparked my interest in writing about home too. Although, I am in need of a REAL vacation to clear my head, home is always a way to come back down to earth. Chicago is my life now and stepping away from the city life and reality once in a while is a good thing. I finally booked a trip home to Texas for a whole week in May. I hate rushing everything, like spending time with my family and seeing friends, so I knew taking a longer break was necessary. Not to mention its the one weekend I know it will finally bring ALL of my best friends into one room. Being that all of us live in different cities and are all going our separate ways, being all together at once will soon be a rarity and will only happen once in a blue moon. So I have to cherish these moments whenever I get them.
My day off has consisted of me doing multiple things at once which has decreased any productivity. Its surprising how many things I actually could do couped up in this small apartment. I stumbled along a few of my old pictures that I had developed before I moved to Chicago. I miss my friends, and in a few instances, I miss my old life. Not that I regret any part of my life here, but when you are trapped in a perimeter of 8 inches of snow, it is hard to miss the 70 degree winters in Texas.
These past few months have made me think about where my future lies. Not to mention my parents pestering me in every phone call and trying their best to reconsider my decision to stay in Chicago. I have given their options great thought and have had an open mind in anything that has the potential to help me excel in my future career. I haven’t yet come to a conclusion yet, but i’m still planning and weighing several options that will be beneficial and yet provide me with some kind of freedom in the life I choose to follow. Sadly, picking a route has already been rough and I know this should be the easiest part in my quest. I have a long road ahead of me and important decisions to make. Despite the pressures from family and even friends, I only hope the route I finally choose to take will be my decision and mine alone.
If only the answers were spelled out for us. Ha.
“Hi, I’m Adam, and I’m an alcoholic. Um, I’ve been sober since I was 17. Um, I knew I had a problem pretty early and I dealt with it because I didn’t wanna wait, and I knew it would just get worse. I felt pretty solid after I stopped drinking, I stopped coming to as many meetings, but lately I haven’t felt so solid anymore so… I had this girlfriend who at first I didn’t like very much, or, I didn’t take her very seriously, I guess. She just seemed like, you know, a piece of ass. But she was persistent, man. And she just hung around, and hung around, and showed up at my place—and gradually, it started to feel better when she was there. It wasn’t “love” the way I imagined it. I just felt weird if I didn’t know what she was up to or whatever. And I liked knowing that she was just gonna be there, and warm, and staying the night. And she acted like I was teaching her everything. About f***in’ history, about sex. She didn’t know what street Central Park started on, or how to use soap. And I showed her. And I wanted that chance to show someone everything. But she changed her mind about me, and it was that fast. I’m so exhausted. Okay. And I’ll bring cookies. I don’t really like cookies that much so don’t get mad if I bring the wrong s***.”
—Adam from GIRLS (via thatkindofwoman)
